August 13: Wednesday (Yesterday)

I keep checking myself in the mirror. I tell myself that it’s to improve my posture, but that’s only half true. The other half is to remind myself to suck in my stomach. I’m not even overweight or big, but it’s a scary habit I’ve had since I was 13 (I’m 20 now). I’m afraid I am (or will become) obsessed with my body image.

I don’t have a scale. I’m afraid that if I buy one, then my dad will think I’m anorexic again. When I was maybe 14, I fainted and dad thought I was starving myself. I wasn’t and never have.

So I don’t have a scale. Instead, I’ll measure myself to show my progress. To clarify, I’m not necessarily trying to get bigger or smaller, I’m trying to get healthier, fitter. (I have to tell myself this everyday as a reminder) My measurements are more so to see where I am and where I’ve been. This will also hopefully help me shrink the distance between my actual and revealed (stomach sucked in) measurements.

I’m measuring my waist and my stomach pouch, because usually the stomach pouch determines a person’s self-image.

I’m also measuring my thighs, calves, and arms (at the biceps) since I’m trying to add muscle there. I’d like to see if there’s any change in the measurements as I gain muscle. I’m not sure if I’ll keep any or all of these measurements, so we’ll just have to see where this takes me.

When I measured my actual waist size, I almost cried. It was almost impossible not to suck in my stomach. I don’t want to be embarrassed of my body, but sometimes (ok, most of the time) I am… But I did it, and I’m proud of myself. I looked in the mirror (stomach not sucked in) and saw the real me for the first time in a long time.

 

Waist (only 1 inch difference)
Actual: 26 inches
Revealed (sucked in): 25 inches

Stomach pouch (1.5 inch difference)
Actual: 31 inches
Revealed (sucked in): 29.5

(The difference between my waist and pouch measurements is about 4 to 5 inches because I have little love handles. Those love handles add to the pouch measurements)

Thighs: 21 inches
Calves: 12 inches
Arms (at biceps): 10 inches.